Move it

Well, i'm semi-packed, semi-awake and semi-ready... it's time to move. Again.

Take care and see you in a few weeks, but i hope less.

Godspeed.

Dig It

All i can hear is the distinct noise of a shovel dragging across the pavement outside my window.

I live in front of a huge cemetery.

I love it here. 2 days until the move.

Just Beat It

*teehee!*

Torn

Normally, as of right now, i'd be watching the sunrise out my living room window. At this hour, since i never sleep, i pry myself away from the computer to view one of the few things in life that always seems beautiful, no matter the situation.

But today is a dreary, miserable day. You can already tell. The rain soaked streets seem lifeless and what would usually be lit by the deep orange glow of the sunlight over the building is replaced by murkiness and the occasional reflection from a lamppost.

These are the thoughts of Juicy at 6 am.

I don't mean to get depressed, or post things that aren't happy-go-lucky (if there's a better way of getting the few people who read this to go away, i'd like to hear it). Sometimes a post like this is needed. For me.

I feel frustrated. Frustrations for the way my life is and for the fact i don't do anything about it. I feel frustrated for the people close to me being unhappy. The frustrations extend further upon my realization that i can't help everyone. I feel frustrated for certain conditions of my life that have been unanswered and the uncertainty of what's to come in the near future. I feel frustrated that i don't sleep. I feel frustrated that i can't sleep.

I feel frustrated for feeling frustrated. Go figure.

Dealing in something that makes a lot of sense to me (and if you know me, you'll understand) i'm like that pepsi bottle in the fridge. When you're bored you like to shake it and shake it until the pressure is built up until there's so much presuure that you can't even make any visible dents in the bottle. I need someone to open my cap. But the thing is, i'm unsure of how it's to be done. The fast way which is messy or the slow way which takes time but in the long run is for the best. Before i get ahead of myself, this is not a sexual innuendo.

I hate feeling like this. I should be used to it. I can't remember when i didn't feel like this.

I shouldn't, though. I have some of the best friends i never thought possible to have. I've never had a set of friends i could be myself with. I'm not worried (constantly) who i am around them. I'm in a relationship that has lasted nearly 3 years, through a lot of ups and a lot of downs in typical relationship fashion. I am generally close to my family (especially my mother). No bitterness there. And, for now, my health is ok (aside from a few factors). But so many people are worse off and i'm here bitching when i have what i have. I should count my lucky stars i have this life.

I don't think it's the life so much as it's who's running my life. Me. I just can't learn to be happy with who i am. I've tried. But everytime i pass a mirror, i wanna punch it. Everytime i talk, i wanna be someone else to shut me up. Life in front of my monitor seems more real than any life i can have out there. It's bleak, it's dark and it's cold. And i'm not just talking about the weather.

I can't stop typing. I probably should, along with hitting that red 'X' in the corner. But i need this. My own little therapy session. I hope i don't overcharge.

Oh, look at that... I attempted humour. Isn't that cute?

Let's move on for now. I need to learn to be a little more mysterious. Like i used to be.

Soon Robin will be up. I still haven't slept any but she's used to seeing me at work on the comp early morning like this. I usually like to be in bed before she gets up that way i can sleep and not force her to be alone all day. Tonight, however, i feel the need to be on the computer. Something is just keeping me here.

Actually, change of heart. Bed time. Something just hit me.

Godspeed and remind me to proofread this tomorrow.

Light my Fire

Wanna see how much i've used the computer in the last year? Wanna see what not having a job, being alone most of the time, staying up endlessly working and re-working many projects (most of which i've become to scared to even mention out loud), can do to you?

We go from this:



To this:



You could imagine my wrist after these past 8 months. The strain of photoshop. The desk, warn out, like so many other factors of my life.



The fumes give me a headache. Well, give me more of a headache. I've learned to just embrace them since i'm unable to get rid of them. Tonight we had the most romantic candle lit dinner. I don't kiss and tell. Sorry.

I need summer to come. I need my late night walks. Very few things in life can beat a cool summer's night breeze slightly brushing your face. Especially when you're the only one around. It's always been one of my escapes. And right now, my mind feels so cluttered. I need that escape. But not here. Not yet.

Something unusual, something strange
Comes from nothing at all
But I'm not a miracle
And you're not a saint
Just another soldier
On the road to nowhere

It's my last week here in Moncton. Next Sunday i'll be going home. Next Sunday i'll be happy. It's a busy week, with the packing, the bills to pay, change of addresses, cleaning. Ugh, it's crazy. My mom should be here (along with Robin's grandmother) on Tuesday. Aaron and Josee (helping us move) will be here Friday. And Bryan is coming for a quite welcomed visit. Looking forward to seeing him again, that giberfish.


I think i better go. My right eye hurts. 4 days now. Sleep is needed. I think i'm in need because i've been all over the map.


Take care, and sleep tight. Thanks for listening if you got this far. I'm sorry for the overall mood.

Scrabble it Ain't!

Giberfish!

Back tomorrow with more random crap and pictures! Woo-hoo battery!

Godspeed.

Pointless Update

Juicy has been sick, busy and away. He shall return soon. Probably when E3 is done. Look it up.

Note to self: Pick up batteries for the camera.

Again With all the Writing...

There's a recurring theme here. Anyone else catch it? You know, besides me having the penmanship of a newborn.

Sorry for the previous post. Oh, get used to that word while reading here. "Sorry." It's a word i was born saying. And boy, will it ever get annoying.

You know, i love living close to both the airport AND the fire station. It's a pleasure i'm glad to have had the.... uh... pleasure of having. Actually it doesn't bother me. Being a freak child from Toronto, noise used to put me to sleep (probably why i need music on a regular basis for even just a few hours worth of sleep). The planes and jets fly by all day and all night, and the trucks are called every half hour or so. It's become somewhat comforting.

But don't worry, i still love the quiet life. Back home. *sniffles*

Something stupid happened last night. I was attempting to turn on music last night for my migraine (if it's low enough, music is the only thing that doesn't affect it all the time) but for some reason, my goddamn stereo was on FULL FUCKING BLAST. Pardon the language, but in the middle of the night i'm sure the rest of my apartment building wouldn't want to be scared shitless out of their beds. I never turn my stereo on that loud, especially since there's a newborn (wow, another recurring theme!) right across the hall. It's a cutie.

But needless to say, after sitting right in front of my speakers while this happened, i didn't wanna listen to music anymore. Not when my brain was turned to mush, even moreso than it was before this happened. Les stupid.



Had to post this. I'm so freaking excited for this movie. Anyone wanna come with me? In October? C'mon, i'll buy you popcorn. You do remember popcorn, right? *blink blink*

Shopping needs to get done and, as usual, i am home alone until late. Being a Bitter Billy for just one more second: i hate constantly being alone in this damn apartment. I hate it. I don't like how it makes me feel. If i didn't fear for losing our damage deposit, i'd draw all sorts of goodies on my wall like i did back home (that was awesome). Too bad i don't draw anymore.

Wow, i sure am talkative today. Good thing i'm here, by myself, with MSN not working and no one else to talk to. What a waste of perfectly good Juice.

Heh.

Godspeed and such.

Only 75% Negative

Today was a beautiful day. One of the best days i've seen in a while. And tonight? It's magnificent. It's so amazing outside. I wish i was home. I wish i could be in familiar territory, with the places i know and the people i love (whine). Tonight is just one night i'd be out walking aimlessly either by myself or with Bryan. I love those nights where the calm outside is just right and it feels as if you're the only one around. It's an odd, special feeling. Just one of the many reasons i fear for this summer to suck (whine).

As you can tell, i'm not the happiest of campers. I do apologize. I really do.

My migraines are back in full force. They don't stop now. I've had this one for over a month. It's either a low-end migraine, or a higher-end migraine. Right now, it's the high-end. The blurring, the piercing noise and pain, the sweats. I know i'll be dealing with it until August or so. And then, who knows. I sure as hell don't.

Sorry to do that, as i promised i wouldn't make this a personal-ish blog like my last one. Just sometimes people aren't around, or i'm not good with direct conversation. I tend to get nervous and sick (Note: i am just realizing how lame i actually am right now) and sometimes i just need to type. Again, i'm sorry. It's just been an un-happy couple of weeks.

Ok, let us move on to happy topics before i really get into details, which the world does not need.



The new Weezer joint (i'm officially the lamest white boy ever) surprised me. I'm liking it. Beverly Hills is far too catchy for its own good. And my sanity.

Speaking of music, Coldplay's 'Politik' is, sadly, one of their vastly underrated songs. Well, i guess it can be a good thing. It can be my little gem *huggles*.



Me and Robin go through a few bags a week. My tongue never heals. Info you need to know. Knowledge is power (G.I. Joe!).



I got so bored the other day i actually installed Wheel of Fortune on my comp. No, i didn't buy it. I'm not that sad (sorry to anyone who ever bought it, you're not sad). I got it free in some cereal box last year. I hate this fucking game, if the above picture doesn't tell a thousand words (or at least five). I wish i could find my Jeopardy game. That would be clutch.

As fun as this was, i need to go. I feel like throwing up. Yeah, i felt you needed to know more. Don't you love me?

Godspeed, sleep tight and send for help for the love of Vanna White. Please.

Extraordinary Update!

Finally got me some kernels (go read the last post, lazy bum). And according to the bag, they are just extraordinary. I hope, for the company's sake, they're right. Because i am expecting heaven in a popcorn bowl.

Could this post get anymore... dull? Nope, it can't! Because it's over!

See you tomorrow, pretty people. Godspeed.


Jumbo jet headache!

Dark/Light

Believe it or not, i had beautiful hands once. Sort of like George and his model ways. Then i moved out on my own with my girlfriend (so i guess not so on my own) and it all went to hell. I curse the day that dishes were invented. I also curse the day where i told Robin "Don't worry, i actually don't mind doing dishes" before we moved. Smooth.

I wanted to buy popcorn kernels last night. Could you believe the only bags they had were like either the size of my palm or 7 lbs? No happy medium. I'll either look stupid buying the small pack, or look freakish buying the bag that weighs as much as my head. The bag is bloody huge. I'm dying for popcorn, and my mission today (since i'm home alone until late) is to search for a great bag of kernels. I will be having popcorn one way or another tonight.

My behind is sore from sitting. That seems sad, buy my chair is feeling more hard than usual. So that's all from me for now.

Take care, Godspeed and drink lots of water.

Pugs are Funny

Well, the reformat went well. Thank God.

I can't wait to get out of here. Here as in Moncton. I wanna go home, where things seemed to be better. Moving back won't do much for me in the long run, but i need people to be around. My family and most of my best pals. Then, it's possibly off to Fredericton which i think would be a million times better than being in Moncton. And i have a couple of amazing friends there.

Look at that, i totally depressed myself. I was happy with the clean computer. So looks like i'll have to look at my happy picture.



Honestly, i almost peed a little when i first seen this. It's my ultimate cheering up photo.

I guess that's it. Have some more work to do.

Take care.

Reformat and such

People in DOOM 3 sure have taste. Do you?

So tonight i reformat. I have an obsession with it. Backing up, however, is a bitch. Zip this, move that. Most of it is just my photoshop junk. And porn*. So it's really important stuffs.

What a boring weekend, though. I'm sure it would've been more fun if i did something BESIDES zip up files. Well, i did go to the mall. That's always a blast.

Finally got this month's EGM with the amazingly beautiful Zelda cover art. Then i spill Pepsi on it. Somewhere, God is pointing and laughing. Here's hoping he spills some coffee on his Entertainment Weekly.



See, isn't it lovely?

I must go. Every once and a while i need a computer break and right now i feel the call. Either that or i have to pee. They both tend to feel the same.

Godspeed and take care. Wish me luck on the reformat (Windows XP serial keys suck, even if you OWN their damn product).

*Juice doesn't own porn. He just wants to look cool. Honest.

I Love Lamp

Yes, it seems as if Anchorman will forever be quoted in whatever situation arises. Sadly.

It also seems as if my years of defying and ignoring the natural sleep process has fully caught up with me (a point which i've ran into the ground many times over, but it just gets worse and less fun). I'm tired right now, which is weird. I feel asleep at 12:30 last night on the couch. I mean, this past year alone, i'm used to getting 2 hours or so every day or two. Now, i can barely walk up stairs without getting fuzzy. Could be the health factor too. Whatever is left, anyways.

You know, i'm liking this new space of mine. My other journal was a hole. It was overwritten, poorly executed, boring and, above all else, just too much insight into me (i'd give examples, but the whole thing is an example). Here, i can just post an odd thought, picture or link. No need to explain myself. No worrying about who might read it. See, right now i'm already starting to go on again. But unlike the other journal (i mean blog, of course) i'm just going to end it on a high note.

I killed a man with a trident.

Oh god, i did it again, didn't i? Idiot.

Godspeed.

Strong Jesus for sale

He must work out.

Clicky

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The Weekend of Aiesia